My friends, they love my intelligence
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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