R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
