I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
