I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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