What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
