Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
