I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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