I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
