oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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