then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
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So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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