operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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