Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm like, not good at living.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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