i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize