I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
