Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
