Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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