You're my little dorito
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Randomize
