I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
