Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
