I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
