Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
