Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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