The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
