Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Hippo gnu deer
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
