He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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