well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
