I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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