You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
