You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
