Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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