Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
