i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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