oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
