There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He's a Shit stain on my heart
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
