I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
