I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
