You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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