Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
