for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
