These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
