I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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