having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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