you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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