ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
this hospital has no fireball
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
