First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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