or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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