I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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