I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize