Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
