just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
