This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i came on her dog
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
