She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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