3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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