The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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