I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
