I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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