He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
