she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
