Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
