i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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