You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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