I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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