Betty ford says i'm here all night
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
