Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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