A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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