I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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