Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
