it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
