In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
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he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
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Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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