Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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