I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
