I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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