Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
