My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
