party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
