we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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