i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I should be sponsored by Trojan
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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