his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
