I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
