he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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