In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
